I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
how drunk are you?
Several
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
