I skipped work to stalk him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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