One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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