I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
