Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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