What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
