I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
