do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How's work?
Spinning.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
