He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
