so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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