just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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