i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
