If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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