i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
