Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
