i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
