they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
