I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
