If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
