mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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