I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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