careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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