hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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