my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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