Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
