I smell stomach acid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
