halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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