halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
