Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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