So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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