Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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