I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
