I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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