I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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