I think I died a long time ago.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
