I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
