Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
