At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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