fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
