Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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