thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize