I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
