Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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