the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
