i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
