Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
