her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
