it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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