theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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