i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
