kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm both gender and math confused
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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