I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
