It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
