you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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