You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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