i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
