wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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