just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
