You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
