Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.