I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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