Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.