Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.