Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?