Got a toothbrush?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
