Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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