We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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