saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
