don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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