They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
