i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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