I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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