i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
