Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
