I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Everything about him screamed your future.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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