weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
